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[22 Nov 2008|08:00pm] iloveshea this journal is on haitus... (did i even spell that word right?) i don't know if i'll come back to it. i don't think i will. i think there had to come a point where i just have to stop writing in it... and i think that time has come. all i know is that right now, i need to concentrate on other things. i started to write in another one, but deleted it... it's not important. it's just definitely not important. i don't even know why i'm writing in here right now. it's not important. it's just distracting, i guess. goodbye, friends. i wish you all well. :o) post comment

[20 Nov 2008|04:40pm] iloveshea brian paice is amazing. he gave me a gift certificate to dunkin donuts just for emailing him something while he was away from work! he is one cool cat. post comment

[20 Nov 2008|03:58pm] iloveshea [ mood | blah ] I am insanely glad I joined a gym. I can't even freaking tell you. I loved it last night. I just need to come up with some sort of program for myself. I obviously (and I do not mean to be conceited at all) do not need to lose weight but I think I could gain a LITTLE muscle and just get myself to be physically active again so I can start doing sports. in other news... here is... The Wikipedia defition for "Rickrolling" Rickrolling is an Internet meme typically involving the music video for the 1987 Rick Astley song "Never Gonna Give You Up". The meme is a bait and switch: a person provides a Web link they claim is relevant to the topic at hand, but the link actually takes the user to the Astley video. The URL can be masked or obfuscated in some manner so that the user cannot determine the true source of the link without clicking (and thus satisfying their curiosity). When a person clicks on the link given and is led to the web page he/she is said to have been "Rickrolled". By extension, it can also mean playing the song loudly in public in order to be disruptive.[1] that is insanely stupid. and also, incredibly funny. post comment

lastnight and today [20 Nov 2008|01:34pm] sexypsycho [ mood | bored ] [ music | all hail the heartbreaker-the spill canvas ] so lastnite [wednesday] after i updated i was bored for awhile, didnt do much just talked to some people, talked to chris a lot and jenni for a bit, and i just chilled online for awhile, eventually fed the animals, ate some pizzah, took a shower, and then talked to pete for a bit before he had dinner and then i was annoyed at the world and then chris got here, and we smoked a cig, finally i didnt have nicotine all damn day so we went outside and chill and then we had an hr to kill, so we just chilled online and watch repo videos which is always fun, and then finally around 815 my mom came home and then i got my money, and then we left and went to ronkonkoma and got jenni and jaslyn and then onward to bayshore, and we went in to target and i got my phone unlimited texting card and my 25 talkin minutes and then i waited to get ring up at electronics which took forever and tehn i did and then jaslyn and jenni didnt wanna leave the store cause they were lookin at baby books lol, and then finally we left and chilled in the parking lot so we can hook up my phone and that took awhile cause it was being retarded and finally it worked but jenni fucked up and put it all as minutes and forgot to make the one card the feature card as unlimited text minutes which sucked so i had to fix that tomorrow cause the store was closed which was lame but whatever, then i called pete and asked if we can stop by and he said sure just gimmie cigs and i had to get cigs anyways so we stop at the ok gas station on dpa to get smokes and then we went to pete's house and chilled there for a bit we didnt go inside cause there was too many people with me so we chilled outside for awhile and then jenni wanted to go to mcdonalds and i didnt want to so i just stay with pete for like 15 mins while they did that, and chilled in his room and watch the ending of true blood and then they came bak and we chilled outside for a bit and then we had to go cause chris had work in the morning so left and dropped me off first cause jenni and jaslyn were goin bak to bayshore, so i got home, had some pizzzah and talked to pete for bit till he went to sleep ,then went online for a bit, talked to chris, and then eventually got offline, went downstairs watch.45 and then put all my numbers in my phone and then smoke a cig and eventually went to sleep around 3ish, and then today [thrusday] i slept pretty good, but i got woken up in the morning when my mother asking me million things about my phone like at 7 am which was rather annoying and then i went bak to sleep and then i woke up around 11ish, cause my phone woke me up so i got up, went online, call at&t go phone to fix my feature card and made sure they put the unlimited texting which didnt take long at all it was quite easy actually, and then i talked to some people online and then talked to tiff and then pete called my cell so i got off the phone wif tiff and talked to him on his break for a while and then he had to go bak to work, and then i talked to tiff, have some coffee and now im bored online, talkin to tiffy, no idea whats goin tonite but 2day is my last day off for the week and bak to work tomorrow at 1:30 so idk if anyone wanna chill hit me up but im out for now later -KaRa post comment

[19 Nov 2008|02:30pm] iloveshea [ mood | pumped. ] alright, so... new plan. i'm going to learn how to snowboard. something i've wanted to do for YEARS now. and since i'm going to the alps in like three months, well, it might be pretty fucking cool to at least try it. i mean, i'm tired of locking myself indoors once the cold sets in. i'm tired of being like OH FUCK... SNOW. and having nothing to do when it happens. i'm tired of being so horribly out of shape (hence I am going to find a gym tonight and avoiding bodyworks like the PLAGUE so if anyone has any advice of someplace better to go around here... let me know.) i'm tired of not being involved in a sport anymore. it's sad. like, no really... it DEPRESSES me. the advice i've gotten so far is that the shorter you are, the easier it is to snowboard... so that helps. before i commit to buying anything though, i'm going to probably take a few lessons. i wish powder ridge was still open since i'm pretty sure its the closest place to go... -grumblegrumble- i'm going to call gus later and see what he thinks i should do. i think jordan will be a great help as well. and hey, anyone else who reads this that can contribute anything useful... i.e. best brands to buy, tips... etc. etc. oh and p.s. - yahoo answers is the BEST website EVS. 1 comment|post comment

lastnight and today [19 Nov 2008|12:24pm] sexypsycho [ mood | bored ] [ music | the artist in the ambulance-thrice ] so lastnite [tuesday]after i updated cheryl never called me but my job did lol, they asked me if i can come in either 1to5 3to11 and clearly i enjoy makin money so i said yes, and of course took the almost 8 hr shift, and i didnt even bother to try and call cheryl cause i was goin into work, so probably somethin rideclously happen and she couldnt call or somethin, oh well and i said fuck it i doubt ill have plans so why not work lol, so then i chilled online for a bit and then took a shower, had some food, and finish gettin readi, talked to pete for a bit on aim, said im goin to work till 11 and he said try callin wen i get home but he probably be pass out lol no surprise then talked to chris for a bit, then i left at 2:30ish got to work right on time, and then work, a lot at first everything was goin wrong idk why, lol and then i got a break at 5, and then i worked more more and more and more, and got my 45 at 7 and i got those bread sticks at the food court they were mad good, and then i was bored for a bit for the reamining of my break, then went to work and did more work, and got another break at quarter of 9 and then the rest of the nite went mad fast and then we had to have a 10 min meeting that i went late to cuz i wanted to finish my work LOL and then i got out 5 mins before 11 aint bad and suprirse my mom was actually early, went home, went online, talkeed to jenni for a bit, ate some pizza, talked to jamie but she couldnt pick me up but she was gonna try oh well, and then i left pete a vm cause he didnt answer so he probably was sleepin and then i was bored for awhile online and then i talked to chris and eventually passedout around 2ish i think, then today [wednesday] slept mad good, kept getting waking up either the phone or my mother, then got up around 10ish, then went bak to sleep and then got up around 11 somethin when my brother came home, got up, went online, talked to chris and here i am bored drinkin coffee, no idea whats goin on today hopefully chris can come over later thats if he gets gas money, but whatever i kinda need him to cause he needs to drive me to target so i can go buy my phone but if anything i cant leave the house till after 8 cause thats when my mother comes home with my check yayyy money and i can get cigs too cause i have none which sucks, but idk if anyone wanna chill later i guess hit me up but im out for now later -KaRa post comment

lastnight and today [18 Nov 2008|11:58am] sexypsycho [ mood | bored ] [ music | cruel melody-black light burns ] so lastnite [monday] after i updated i was bored for a bit, and i just chilled on here for awhile, nothing special, just talked to jamie or chris, and then eventually i went and took a shower, had some coffee, fucked around on melo, and then talked to some people online, and then had some grill cheese and tomato soup when my mom came home from work, and then pete im'd me and said he was at casey's and that he'l call me when he gets home, so i was bored for a bit finally talked to cheryl she reappear apparently some shit went down, and she got into something again she swore she wouldnt and blah de blah and she said tomorrow she wants to come over and chill for a bit when her boyfriend has work cause she'l have the car she was gonna bring me bak to chill in queens but she i have to feed the doggie at 4 and i think thats when she has to go back so i dont think thats gonna work but it b cool if she does come through for a bit and then eventaully pete called and i talked to him for awhile and then around 1 somethin he got off the phone so he can go to sleep and then i stayed online for a bit longer and talked to cheryl and then eventually i went to sleep around 130 cause i was exhausted and then today [tuesday] i slept pretty good, got woken up to my mother tellin me to do things and blah de blah, and then went bak to sleep woke up at 10, still tired so went bak for another hour and woke up at 11 somethin, got up, put the towels on the wash, called the dentist for my mom so i can reschedule her appt, and then i went online, talked to tiff for a bit, and now im bored online drinkin coffee no idea whats goin on today, cheryl said she was gonna call me when shes on her way to my house but she said it'l b around 12ish but she hasnt cealled so i guess if she dont call by 1ish ill try her lol if that doesnt come through looks like im doin nothing, ugh i have no cigs, cause i aint getting my money till tomorrow bah humbug, but hopefully ill get my phone tomorrow but im out for now latr -KaRa post comment

saturday to monday [17 Nov 2008|07:10pm] sexypsycho [ mood | bored ] [ music | infrared-placebo ] so i go poof, eh not really just been super busy, so here's an update. anywho so [saturday] right after i updated 5 mins later my brother got here and brought me to work early cause he had to go work so i had a good hour to kill before work so i went into barnes and nobles of course cuz thats wat i do to kill time is read book there, so i got some coffee and read some of the book "Cathy's book" that i been reading since i started workin in bayshore then quarter to one i left to go walk to work, which is a 2 min walk not even so i go in at 1ish worked my ass off got one and then around 6ish i left and chris came and got me, and i try call pete but he didnt answer, so we went bak to my house so i can change and everything else and we went online were bored for a bit and then andrew hit me up to chill and i havent seen him in a minute, so we decided to go out to masspequa to hangout with him and his gf, so we go out there meet up with them at mcdonalds and we walked around the mall nothing special got some arbys and it was fuckin delicious kinda sucks thats the only arby's on longisland and tis quite far from my house oh well, then we walked around the mall more, and then the mall closed so we left, and went by the train staiton but before that nonsense we stopped at andrew's gf friend house and then went to the store and got 2 mini kegs of heinken and went bak to the train station and we drank that shit well andrew and his grl did mostly i just had a couple cups and then around 1130 i called pete cuz he told me to, and he said b at my house at midnight, so i went and dropped andrew and his grl off and then we stopped at sevs so i can get a 22 of budlight and then onward to pete's house we got there lil bit after 12ish, went inside and chris came and we just chilled watch national treasure 2, and i had a sanwhich, around 2ish chris left, and then me and pete just chilled and watch tv and ended up passing around almost 3ish, and then the next day [sunday] i slept a good amount and then around 11ish me and pete left cuz he had to get outta the hgouse so we chilled at some parking lot and napped and then i woke up at 1220 and got readi, and then he drove me to work, and i got in at 1, and worked my ass off it was kinda slow got a break at 330 then worked more and got a meal break at 530, kinda sucks they dont pay u for that, went bak to work at 620 and then around 730 i took my last break then it was extremely slow for rest of the nite and then i got out at 930, got driven home from my mother, came home around 10ish ate some pizzah and watch califorcation, try call pete, he didnt answer, was bored online for a bit, talked to chris and then was online for a bit longer,around midnight i went to smoke a cig and then to my surprise the phone rang and it was pete =D so i talked to him for 20 mins and then passedout, then today [monday] i slept pretty good, woke up around 8ish cause my mother was screaming at me to get up, so i get up, get readi around 830 leave so i get dropped off got to bayshore around 9 i had two hours to kill so i went into barnes and noble and chilled in there for two hours had some coffee and finish reading "cathy's book, and then started reading "ghostgirl" which is super good so far, i cant wait till i read more of it i kinda wish i own it but sadly i dont, and then i left around 11ish, walked to work, smoke a cig, started at 1115 and worked my ass off today was mad busy, got my break at quater 2, smoke a cig had some chips, went bak to work, and worked till 330, and then my brother was 10 mins late getting me and then we had to go to northport and get my mom, stopped at the bank, and then came home and had some food, talked to pete, watch roseann, and then went online, talked to chris real fast and talked to jamie for a bit, and here i am bored online, no idea whats goin on tonite probably nothing but i do have the next 3 days off =] yay for a break i been workin crazii, so idk if anyone wanna chill hit me up but im out for now later -KaRa post comment

there is nothing here but war, where the murderin' cannons roar... [17 Nov 2008|11:51am] iloveshea [ mood | nostalgic ] [ music | paddy's lamentation (in my head) ] pictures are very strange. think about how amazing they are, though... you literally are able to capture moments in time. pictures can be exciting... they make you horribly sad... they can make you feel happy or nostalgic or angry or WHATEVER. they are incredible. whenever i look at my deviantart gallery and look at all of my different pictures, i remember how i felt at the time... like the picture captured much more than just the moment. it captured the emotion. it's insane. this picture was just happiness. i might have even known it at the time. this was when we all pretty much lived at ben s.'s house... and dave and i were best friends. i remember this day fairly well - we all dressed up in really cracked out costumes. when i see this i think of ... ben. this was the morning after i had spent the night with him in new york. that night. and i remember taking this picture the morning after... you had gone to school, i think? because sarah was coming to meet up with me at the seaport... and i remember sitting there. and the whole world looked so different that morning. i was happy. i was confused as all hell. i was worried. i remember being very worried. this picture is really just anxiety to me. this picture is amazing to me. this was taken by mike in the airport right before i went on my first plane ride ever. this brings back really strong feelings of excitement and happiness. this picture i knew i would love as soon as i took it. this was when i went to gettysburg with my family... still one of my favorite vacations of all time. i look at this picture with real irony now. i entitled it "go and fight for lincoln" - lyrics from an old irish ballad. this picture is of my little brother who just had an interview with westpoint academy on saturday. really... really effing ironic. this picture brings back feelings of serious hurt and serious anger. it marked the end of a friendship era... one of the most important friendships i ever had. as cryptic as it is to a lot of people there are still three in particular that will understand it. this picture makes me so, so happy. it brings me back to a much simpler time in my life where a trip up north was all i ever needed to feel complete. when life was about blackberry pie and chewin meat and knitting.... fishing in cricks and laying on rooftops at night watching the leaves fall... sometimes, it's hard to look at these... knowing how different things are. and how different everyone is. and knowing that no matter how bad you want to go back to some (and how bad you don't want to go back), you can't. but that's why these pictures matter. they are proof that at one point in time, the moment was raw and real, and the moment existed. every little bit of your life matters. and pictures can prove that. post comment

[16 Nov 2008|01:27am] iloveshea :o) post comment

HOLY GOD [15 Nov 2008|06:48pm] woodside [ mood | silly ] I LOVE READING OTHER PEOPLES JOURNALS. Jesus, this shit is old. I read Russ' journal and i'm like OMG YOU WERE ON DRUGS ALL THE TIME YEAH Jesus. What the hell. post comment

[15 Nov 2008|12:51pm] iloveshea i'm really sad. post comment

convos between sar and i on facebook [14 Nov 2008|04:05pm] iloveshea [ mood | busy ] [ music | pixies | surfer rosa ] Sara: bahhh hmmm bug whats that from? whinny the poo? Christine: hahaha no a christmas carol pooh says "oh bother" not bah humbug thats scrooge Sara: ohh lion king? whats the from ohh bother Christine: what are you on post comment

I NEED [14 Nov 2008|12:56pm] sadlyhappy [ mood | anxious ] [ music | The Dream - She Needs My Love ] I wonder what J is doing right now. I wonder if he thinks about me. I wonder what he thought about my letter? Does he think I'm full of shit? I'm listening to our song...I love your girl by The Dream. It's funny because it was just automatically our song. We didn't decide on it. I remember the first time I really heard it when we went to the bar together. The second I listened to the lyrics I was like wow that it so our song. Everytime I hear this song, or any song by The Dream all I can think about is him. Josh would be so pissed if he knew that. He knows I LOVE that CD, but if only he knew why...I wish I could see him. I want to know what he's thinking. The website says he should be out on the 27th, two more weeks. Even then I can't start talking to him all the time. I can't do that until Josh is out of my house. I can't deal with that drama again. I miss that feeling that he gave me whenever we would meet up, just pure happiness. Josh could never give me that feeling again. That feeling is dead with him. Everything is dead with him. I wish I could just go home. I want to go visit J, but I'm too nervous. I still don't know what he thought about my letter and I'm not sure if he even wants to see me. I think it might be awkward if I just showed up. It could be great, but it could be horrible. Plus, I don't want to risk Josh finding out. THIS FUCKING SUCKS. post comment

[14 Nov 2008|02:39pm] iloveshea i need... these boots... post comment

lastnight and today [14 Nov 2008|01:31pm] sexypsycho [ mood | bored ] [ music | bliss-muse ] so lastnite [thrusday]after i updated i was bored for a bit, then jenni called me and she was all upset and she needed to go to the hospt. cause she didnt feel right, and then she didnt want to go alone so i said i would go with her, so then i go get readi and then 10 mins later she got here, and we drove to stonybrook which took forever for some odd reason probably cause of the rain and then they took her in and it wasnt that bad it only took hour in half at most which aint that bad but i was kinda bored eh whatever, and then we left and she drove me home cause she had shit to do and i had to feed the animals anyways, so then i came home talked to pete for a bit, and then found money went to the store and got some cigs and then came bak, fed the animals, was bored for a bit, talked to chris, try call pete he didnt answer,i found out later he passedout, eventually i had dinner, then i was bored for a bit, talked to jamie for awhile, and had coffee fucked around on melo, eventually got off the phone with jamie, talked to pete for awhile, and then he said he'l call me bak so i was bored for a bit online talked to my homie pat from fl and not doin anything special oh i was listening to black light burns wes borlands new band, fuckin truely amazing and then eventually pete called me bak and i got offline and talked to him and then he had to go to sleep so after i talked to him i ate some food, watch fresh prince of bel air, some movie called on the outs which was intresting movie and then queer as folk and then passedout, then today [friday]slept good mostly, i woke up like once or twice but that was only cause my mom mother or someone was trying to talk to me, and then finally i did actually wake up at almost 1230ish ugh i woke up kinda late today, oh well so i get up, go online, talked to chirs for a bit, then tiff, and then chris for a bit more, i was an idiot and was chillin with my dog and hit my head on the dining room table when i got up ugh, and it still hurts 10 mins later, but other then that nothing is goin on just bored online and drinkin coffee, gotta call pete in like 5 mins to figure out if hes getting me at the train station at 5ish today seeing i got work 6 to 11 again woo hoo, but yah other then that im doin nothing so im out for now peacee post comment

lastnight and today [13 Nov 2008|01:47pm] sexypsycho [ mood | bored ] [ music | semi charmed life-third eye blind ] so lastnite [wednesday]after i updated i was bored for a bit, i was annoyed at shit cause of that nonsense earlier whateverrr and then jenni called and i talked to her for a bit and then around 2ish i called pete and talked to him for awhile, he wasnt mad at or anythin i guess he was just want in one of those moods but everythin was finee and he said later he will take me to work which was super cuz i needed a ride and then around 3ish i went took a shower and then i talked to pete more then he had to go to work so he said call wen im leaving for the train station then i ate mac and cheese and talked to jenni, then eventually finish getting readi, let the doggie out and all that fun stuff, and then around 430 i left to take the train got there around 507, then me and pete drove to target and then chilled in the parkinglot for half an hr then i had to go in, i go in find out my lil mistake lastnite got on the miss punch sheet so i fixed that, and then went into work, boring as always kinda busy but not really but as always i got break like 5 mins late so it wasnt that bad, so i smoke a cig and chilled in the break room and then went bak to work and it went pretty fast and cleaning up the store went super fast and we were actually done early and i got out 20 mins early so i had to wait and finally my mom came and we went to go get gas and then we went and got me mcdonalds and then i came home talked to pete till he went to sleep had some mcdoanlds in the process watch califorcation and its always sunny in philadelpha then passedout, then today [thrusday] i slept for a good remaining of the time without any interuptions lol, then finally woke up around 11:30ish, cause the dog was bothering me, i thought i had to feed it but the doggie trick me cause my mom actually had time to feed it, oh well, and then i got up, went online, talked to jenni for a bit, then my comp kept fuckin up so i had to update it, and then pete im me in the process so i called him and talked to him for a bit, yay he got his cast off his hand and he talked for a bit till he had to go bak to work, and then i was bored for a bit and talked to tiff for awhile and now im bored online drinkin coffee and talkin to jenni, no idea whats goin on today but it is my day off so it b cool to do somethin so if u wanna somethin hit me up but yeah im out for now peacee -KaRa post comment

Same road... [13 Nov 2008|10:17am] sadlyhappy [ mood | discontent ] [ music | L7 - Drama ] So. I'm 16 weeks pregnant now and still wishing this wasn't happening. I feel guilty talking about how much I don't want this baby, but I can't help it. I know that I will love the baby once it's here, I have to, but that doesn't change how I feel. I just keep thinking in my head "22 with two kids" over and over. I know it's my fault that I'm pregnant again, but I never thought it would be this way. I love Aidan so much, more than anything in the world, but this is not the way my life was supposed to happen. I wouldn't give up Aidan for anything, but now another one? I am going to be miserable, I already am! I am the poster child for what you are not supposed to be in life. I have set myself up to struggle forever. How could I be so stupid? I am a smart girl, how did this happen? Why would I EVER have another kid with Josh? I guess I'm not as smart as I thought I was. And now I'm stuck having a baby that I don't want with a man that I no longer love. Yeah, that's real smart. I am so fucking depressed right now. Everything in my life is shit besides Aidan. Aidan is always my sunshine. He is perfect in every way. My job is in jeapordy because of the economy and my boss makes sure that I know that on a daily basis. I have never had to worry about finding work and now I'm not sure what is going to happen. My rent is extremely late and I am lucky to have a very understanding landlord, or I would be homeless. There's a guy I don't even like staying at my house FOR FREE. I can't find another roommate to save my life. My house is always a mess no matter how long I spend cleaning it. I have no money to pay my bills and somehow I keep accumulating more. I'm having another baby. I'm having another baby with Josh. I don't love Josh anymore. I'm actually pretty sure that I hate him at this point. I am going through this pregnancy alone. I tell him I have leg cramps and that my back hurts and I need a massage and he acts like I just asked him to cut off him right testicle. He is not there to comfort me. I go through these emotions alone and isolated. I don't want him to comfort me anyway he's a complete asshole. And he wonders why I won't put out. Why the fuck would I want to fuck you? You're an asshole! You are the most inconsiderate fuck I have ever met. I can bet that when my feet get swollen you won't care. When I feel alone and emotional you won't even turn your head. The other night you said this was all up to me and you meant it. If I were to bring it up you would say that you only said that because we were fighting, but I know that you really did mean it. I don't expect you to understand what I am going through, but you don't even try. You don't try to make things easier for me, or to make me feel a little better. You just make everything worse. You bring me down like a fucking brick tied around my waist. You are everything that is wrong in my life. You make me feel BAD. I want someone to make me feel GOOD. Is that even possible anymore? post comment

[13 Nov 2008|10:43am] iloveshea i got an 83 on my legal environment exam. but this is because her short answer questions were BOLLOCKSED. ...this pisses me off.... but i'm pretty sure i still have an a... at least, i hope. i've really been slacking this semester. post comment

[12 Nov 2008|07:34pm] iloveshea ugh. post comment

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